My Wedding Day / A Bridal Horror Story

2:04 AM

I can't believe this post is actually happening...

I've been trying to finish it for over a month now... And Yes, you "heard" it right, a month! I usually do all my posts over the weekends (since, I have absolutely no time during the week), but every time the weekend would roll in something B A D would happen. I am not going to go into talking about sickness and death (literally), but the last straw was the fact that somehow this post got deleted. I went to open the post just to discover that everything (but the first paragraph) was gone. So, I decided that I was done with it.

 But here I am two months later with a post...

 About a month ago I asked you all to vote on the style of the post you would like to see: a story type or a time line. Majority of you voted on the story, but to be honest, I don't feel like re-writing it all over again. So, here is a timeline with the "original" paragraph.

By the way, if you don't want to read what I wrote it’s totally fine, just enjoy the pictures. I mixed professionally done photos with photos taken by friends and relatives... It will be obvious who took which, but I needed more photos for this post, without sharing the family photos. Our relatives specifically asked not to be featured on the blog.
Whitney from WhitneyLayne Photography was our photographer and I couldn't be happier with her. First, her photos are absolutely gorgeous (am I right?). And Second, she was a total rock star through all the craziness. So, if you need a photographer for your wedding I can't recommend her enough. (Fyi, this is not a sponsored post)


Zack and I got married on October 29, 2017. It was a beautiful fall day. The type of the day that gives you the "it will be a good day" feeling. The sun was shining and there was not a cloud in the sky. But as my grandma used to say "the train wrecks don't happen on gloomy days". And so, the craziness that was my wedding day, had an amazing back drop of an usually warm weather, white flowers and chandeliers.

And it all began as a dream, an act of God and broken thermostat.

Ok, I am being a little over-dramatic here. Things weren't so bad... especially looking back on my wedding day I can't but smile, because it was sure eventful...

 So lets start from the beginning...

I had a dream...

I've never been an overly superstitious person. And, I had never believed in prophetic dreams... Until one of those dreams came true. About a month before my wedding day I started having this reoccurring dream where I would show up to the wedding chapel in all my bridal glory just to discover that my wedding was canceled. Next time I had this dream, the scenario changed a little. This time someone else is getting married in my place. And on Thursday (4 days before the wedding) I had a dream where the venue was all locked up and boarded. I didn't think much about them, because, don't all brides have those type of nightmares?

The Broken Thermostat

8:00 AM

I woke up at 8 to a pretty “heated” house, figuratively and literally.  It was 80F inside and, my mom and step dad were having a very passionate disagreement. They were going back and forth accusing each other of messing with the thermostat. I decided to stay out of it, because, first, I don't get involved in drama, and, second,  “ain”t nobody has time for that” on their wedding day.

9:00 AM

Mom served me the best breakfast ever. (By the way, who else misses their moms'  Sunday morning breakfasts? I know I do.) As I was polishing the remnants of my eggs one my bridesmaids-Lindsey  arrived with a suitcase of make up in toe. And, I mean it when I say a suitcase. She probably had half of Sephora store in that bag. I asked Lindsey to do all our hair and makeup. And although, she isn't a professional makeup artist she is amazing at all the things girly. Plus she is Texan... And Texas girls know their way around hair and makeup like no other. The next 3 hours were spent in a cloud of hair spray, powder and fake eyelash glue.

And So It Begins 

11:30 AM

As soon as the clock struck 11:30 I knew that there is going to trouble... First, my last bridesmaid arrived late and in tears. One of her babies got sick and she spent all morning taking care of her. So, I decided to let Lindsey do Nadya's hair instead of my makeup. I've watched weeks worth of makeup videos, so I am practically a professional here (right?). Second, nothing was getting finished: my cake still needed decorating, bouquets needed to be wrapped, and the centerpieces were missing roses. Third, the thermostat drama had reached its pinnacle. As we were toasting each other with champagne, my parents were still going back an forth about the thermostat. At the end, my step-dad stormed off to find an AC guy, anger management class or Jesus... still not sure which one, but he never returned. In fact, he completely missed my wedding and my younger brother had to step in and walk me down the aisle.

The Groom

11:30 AM

As I was getting my “bride on” at mom's house, Zack was enjoying the last hours of his bachelor life with the boys. Well, he wasn't really enjoying, because I had entrusted Zack with a list of chores and things I wanted for him to get ready and bring to the wedding. Grant was the first groomsmen to the rescue. What wasn't a surprise to me, since, I don't know a more reliable person than Grant...  "Better call Grant". But regardless of all the help, Zack and the boys ended up forgetting half the staff.  When they left our house, they forgot all the non-alcoholic drinks, groom’s cake among other small things. In fact, Zack’s mom would end up leaving the wedding to go back to the house and pick the cake up. By the way, lemonade never made it to the wedding (alcohol sure did).

The Bride 

12:30 PM

Luckily, help arrived in the form of my Maid of honor's husband. With an extra pair of hands, we swiftly loaded all the decorations, plates, and all the other shebang in the cars and off they all went. I our usual fashion, my mom and I were the last one to leave, because in all the chaos of the morning my mom couldn't find her shoes...

12:50 PM

I was 10 minutes away when I received the call from my photographer Whitney. She was at the venue, but couldn't get in, because all the doors were locked. I told her not worry, since we were not supposed to be at the venue till 1:00 pm, and maybe it's their policy not to let people in before the agreed time… Maybe?

My Dream Had Dame True

1:05 PM

Mom and I pulled in to a scene of otter chaos. Flowers, decoration, people and my cake were scattered all over the front loan. Well, they weren't scattered per say... The wedding party was running around the chapel in circles, knocking on all the windows and doors. The decorations were unloaded and piled up all over the place. The chapel has no designated parking, so people had to unload the cars and then drive off to find a parking place. But the biggest “diva” of all this chaos was my cake. Remember me mentioning that it was a beautiful fall day... Well it was. It was sunny and unusually warm. I think it was about 85 degrees outside. And my cake was basking in all that warmth and sunlight... NOT! It ended up sitting outside (on the bench, not the grass) for an hour. And surprise, surprise, it melted. Not a lot, but enough where it started to look like an overly decorated tower of Peezza rather than a wedding cake. Plus a lot the flowers fell out, and someone just stuck them in randomly in clusters.

1:25 PM

The feeling of disspare had firmly settled in. By this time, I called every number that had anything to do with the venue or its owners. I even called the venue owner's friends and family members on facebook and still no one answered. And, as I was collapsing in my mom's arm in tears (by the way, my mom was all but spitting fire by then), my best friend and maid of honor Stephanie was on a mission of saving my wedding. With the power of internet and white page she was able to find the venue owner's house and drive to her house to see "what's up".

 1:45 PM

Zack had finally approached me to see what I was doing outside, since were supposed to do "the reveal" at 1:30pm. Turned out that he didn't realize that there was something amiss. He was visiting with some family members out of town, and assumed that what he was witnessing was the disoorganization of an epic proportion. Talking about ignorance is bliss, right?

An act of God

1:55 PM

Stephanie and her husband came back and brought the venue owner with them! To be honest, they kind of kidnapped the poor lady from her house so, she would unlock the chapel for us. Turned out, she had a medical emergency a day before and was under some new medication. The was a window between the Sunday morning mass and my wedding, soshe thought she would get a little rest before she had to go back and set up the venue. But the new meds just knocked her out.
As I was learning all of that, I instantly thought of something Whitney (the photographer) said during our initial meeting/contract signing. She promised that unless there was an Act of God she will be there. So, I guess the fact that the church doors were locked for me, was little pay back from "up above" for sleeping on Sundays instead of going to church.

2:30 PM

It took a village (or  better say all the guests) to get our venue set up and decorated. Initially, as I was planning my wedding, I wanted certain things to be done the certain ways or things put in to certain place, but after all the excitements of the past few hours I was on edge. And so not to be arrested on my wedding for strangling people, I deiced to exited stage right and supervise from the bridal room via texts and angry shouts. I also had to put my "face back on", since I smudged everything earlier while crying.

2:45 PM

Since, my bridesmaids were busy setting up the venue and the outside (we had drinking station, cocktail tables and finger food outside), my mom was the one who helped me dress. Yep, if you were wondering, she is the one responsible for going all 80s on my veil and clipping it to the top of my head. As she was zipping my dress up, she realized that I wasn't wearing the family pearls. It was something that my mom really wanted me to wear, and we both completely forgot to grab in our mad dash out of the door.

2:50 PM

As we were finishing up getting me ready, our wedding official Chris had popped in to ask me about my (nonexistent) vows. Surprise! I didn't have my vows finished. And not only they weren't finished, I forgot whatever little I wrote at mom's house. Zack was no better. He didn't write his vows either (Chris totally sold him out). So, we decided to wing at the altar.

Have you ever seen a movie where you have a main character step on to the stage completely unprepared and give the most beautiful and heart felt speech? Well, that didn't happen to either one of us. Luckily, I found some last minute poem on Pinterest and plagiarized the heck out of it. But aside from the poem my speech was a train wreck. The best I could come up with was the promise of always brining Zack Dr.Peppers and not to laugh at him when he is sick. Zack also had outdone himself by bringing all the sad and bad times and promising for the worse to come. Luckily rev. Chris came prepared and saved us from the further embarrassment. He made us repeat these beautiful vows he wrote and then seamlessly transitioned us to the main “I dos”.  But before the “I dos” there was the descend.

Here Comes the Bride

3:00 PM

My bridesmaids and groomsmen walked out to the instrumental version of [All of Me]. I "descended" from the bridal room upstairs to the Canon in D. I am not going to lie, when I say, that this descend was something I was anticipating the most about my wedding. I’ve always had this picture of myself where in Cinderella like fashion, I would appear on top of the stairs, and then as everyone is glazing at me adoringly, I would glide down the stairs. Well, as far as adoration's go, I pretty much nailed it by having only family members at the wedding. The descend part, not so much. I felt awkward, wobbly, and literally scared for my life. After first 3 steps I realized 2 things: first, I should have never bordered with the stairs and came out from the side door like the rest of my wedding party. The staircase was way too steep and narrow and I had no way of supporting myself as I was walk down. Both of my hands were full. In one hand I held my bouquet and in another my skirts, since I was trying to keep them from tangling around my feet. 

My second realization was that somehow, in the past 10 minutes my dress grew 2 sizes. With every step I was taking, the dress was slipping lower and lower... and lower. By the end of the night, my dress would become practically nonexistent. I might as well should have gotten married in my undergarments, because that’s pretty much the only thing that everyone noticed. There were so many beautiful pictures to which I had to say no, because I looked inappropriate with my corset exposed. 

Eat Cake

5:30 PM

As I already mention, our cake have seen better days. By the time we got to the cake cutting, the cake looked homeless... It was leaning in every and all directions, the flowers were all wrong and the cake was missing chunks of icing (I "photoshoped" the ugly parts out). And as the icings and the  proverbial cakes go, the cake cutting set went missing. 
After the MOH and BM speeches, it was time to cut the cake. This is when we discovered that the cake knife set mom got as a wedding present was missing. It must have fell out somewhere outside as people were unloading the cars. Needless to say, no one was eating any cake unless we found something to cut it with.  Luckily, someone found this random horror style kitchen knife in one of the drawers. Yes, we went all "Psycho" on our wedding cake. 

For everyone who didn't want to read the post here is a summery. 

Technically, everything that could go wrong did. Of course, some of these things were preventable through better planning and organization, but that's not the point...

  1. My step-dad stood me up and didn't walk me down the aisle
  2. We got locked out from the venue for over an hour
  3. I had crooked cake since, it melted in the sun
  4.  The cake knife set went missing, so I had to cut the cake with butcher knife
  5. My Cinderella dreams were dashed
  6. The wedding dress was too big and wouldn't stay on
  7. Our vows were a disaster (our fault) 
  8. My bridesmaids ditched me after 2 hours (they had to go to ER)

There were other things, but they shall not be mentioned in public...

My only advice is... ELOPE!


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